Winners & Losers
Live It Up eNewsletter August 2011
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Hello from Narelle
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About RSS feeds
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Winners & Losers and Communication
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Quote
Dear Reader
Welcome to this month’s eNewsletter. Once again a few things happening to let you know about.
On Saturday a couple of weeks ago, I womanned a stand at Centro Lutwyche offering a free Depression Anxiety Stress Survey. Much to my dismay, shoppers were not interested and veered away from the stand as much as they could. Why? I think because they thought that others might see them complete the survey it might be embarassing, or they perhaps know that they are stressed, and do not realise just how much help is available.
I say stressed, because the banner did not mention the words “depression” or “anxiety” specifically so as not to frighten people away. The sad thing is that the more quickly help is sought, the more that good results can be obtained.
I often say to clients that if you don’t have the skills how can you do anything useful to help yourself? Much like fixing my car, I take it to a mechanic instead of ‘trying’ to fix it myself, and failing miserably in the attempt.
This month, there has been lots of reading and working on my other sites, and improving the marketing of this site.
Take care and have fun,
Regards, Narelle
2. RSS Feeds
In case you didn’t notice, I have added an RSS feed to the site. What is it? RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and it is a means of doing a search for current and relevant topics such as depression, eating disorders, psychology, and so on, and having those searches appear on my site. I was pretty chuffed when I managed to add it and it worked. So, if you are looking for up-to-date info on those areas, hit my website for a browse on the right nav-bar.
3. Winners & Losers in the Game of Life
I have been enjoying this show (for the most part), for a few reasons, mainly because there is a demonstration of a group of people, who despite their problems are able to still be friends and look out for each other. This to me makes this a wonderful example of love and friendship. It also reminds me of one of the biggest facets that gets in the way of a relationship, and that is your expectations of someone else.
Expectations
When I expect something from someone, and anticipate that it will happen, I am setting myself up both mentally and emotionally. For example, I have a great idea and I can’t wait to share it with someone close to me because I just know and expect their interest and support! So, finally I get the chance to share this absolutely incredible idea, certain in the knowledge that you will also think it is fabulous, and all you can say is, “But what about xyz? You didn’t take that into account did you?”
Instead of you saying that you think this is amazing, you hit me with why something won’t work, and now my emotions slam me hard against a brick wall! Or something like that. I may feel hurt, a bit rejected, like an idiot, unsupported, invalidated, etcetera because my expectations have not been met.
Relationships
Imagine what that is like in a personal intimate relationship? Imagine what that is like in a professional working relationship?
Each of us carries around expectations and we sometimes completely forget that others have different agendas. The friend who said, “But what about xyz, you didn’t think of that,” is not necessarily wanting to shoot you down in flames and destroy your idea. They may care deeply about you and this is their way of thinking it through.
The problem is that you have an expectation of a certain response or behaviour and when it doesn’t come, you begin to let the little voices in the head take over with the corresponding negatively-impacting energy. This often occurs because you are making comparisons. You compare yourself with others, you compare your ideas with others, you judge yourself against your own high standards and those of others, all of which creates a dilemma for expectancy and generally gives you a low rating of yourself in that comparison.
When something exciting has happened, do share it with those who will appreciate you and want to know more about your experiences.
When an idea occurs, be careful whom you share it with so that the dream-stealers don’t leave you without a dream.
Power
When you have an expectation of someone else doing something, or behaving a certain way, then it is important to know when to speak up, when to be silent, when to withdraw and when to close a friendship or relationship. Be careful what you expect of others, because they are not under your power and control and may want to exert their own.
The more expectations you have of your family, your partner, your work colleagues, the harder it becomes, because there are more and more opportunites for disappointment to occur.
Positive Outlook
The more you let go of expectation, and yet maintain a positive outlook, the more safe and protected you will feel within yourself and the easier it will be to respond positively instead of reacting on old automatic patterns. While you might wish for everyone to hold you in their heart with unconditional positive regard, reality says that this does not always occur. Understanding this, being okay with it and disconnecting from people and their energy that could damage you or prevent your personal growth and development, will empower you and give you the freedom you deserve.
Now, thinking about all of the above, and putting it into the context of the TV show Winners & Losers, if you have watched it you will have seen various characters who have their own agenda. We’ve also watched the 4 main characters portrayed as these beautiful young women, be unthinking, thoughtful, forgiving, understanding, firm, having boundaries or developing boundaries, and they have learnt to speak up when something bothers them even if it takes a while to get up the courage to do it.
Courage isn’t about being brave. It’s about being resolute and decisive. When one is decisive, the goal is firmly in your sights, and everything else just disappears and doesn’t exist. Sure your heart might be fluttering, or your breathing is shallow and yoet your focus is complete and absolute. You are in the moment.
Is it time for you to experience the moment?
Regards
Narelle
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In taking responsibility of myself,
I am also responsible for my thoughts,
my feelings and my actions, which will all affect my results or outcomes.
I am responsible for the impact that I have on others.
I am responsible for my impact even when I am not there…
because my energy affects you.
Are you taking responsibility for yourself today?
In your life, your work, your family?
Look in the mirror and see what is reflected back, does the mirror need polishing or could it be you?
