Commitment in Relationships
Live It Up eNewsletter October 2011
- Hello from Narelle
- Commitment and Me and You, and Relationships
- Vision in Progress Box
- Master’s Wisdom (Fat cat is back!!)
Dear Reader
Oops! Where did September go? I think I lost a month somewhere, and this year is already flying by so quickly.
What’s been happening? Well, I’ve been enjoying the influx of new clients, and I welcome you to this month’s newsletter.
It must be spring because I have been doing a lot of spring cleaning at home and it feels really good. Amazing how that change of season triggers the clean out, clean up and let go reflex, which can mean that we also pay attention to what is due for a clean-out on the inside.
Maybe it’s your organs that are clogged, maybe it’s your skin that can’t breathe, maybe it’s your emotions that are either stuck or bubbling over, either way it does us good to cleanse, repair and rejuvenate.
I’ve now got an empty wardrobe, a clean desk, and several items to post for sale on Gumtree. I’ve acquired a spare bed for the now spare room, dumped mountains of paper and gee it felt good to heft things over the balcony into the recycling bin below!
Is it time for spring-cleaning for you as well, before summer hits us and we become slothful and ’can’t move in this heat’ creatures?
Regards, Narelle
2. Commitment and Me and You
I’ve been thinking a lot about commitment lately, and what it means, and how do we know when we have it, because there are all kinds of commitments, aren’t there? Commitment to paying the rent, or the mortgage, to paying for our phone or Foxtel or Internet, topping up our Go Card, to paying off credit cards etcetera, etcetera.
Commitment Agreements
And we know we are committed because we have signed an agreement of some sort at the start of the business relationship. Then there are commitments that we take on without fully realising it, like the commitment to put fuel in our car and pay the insurance, because we bought a car in the first place, or the commitment to show up for work in exchange for being paid. It would seem we know when we have made a commitment to large financial outlays for ourself. {Add up how much yuor mobile phone costs you over 5 years and then dispute the large financial outlay.}
My question is: how do we know when we have a commitment to someone else?
Parenting Commitment
Part of that question is easy. For example, if you are a parent then you know that you brought a child into the world and you have a commitment to your child, up until they are of legal age, in this country anyway. How do you demonstrate that commitment? With guidance, boundaries and rules, love, praise and encouragement, physical shelter, physical nurturing with food and water, and by being there as much as you can.
Partner Commitment
How do you demonstrate that commitment to a partner? One could say the exact same ways would apply, and my further question is, “do they?” For you see, many couples today haven’t made a commitment through the act of “becoming engaged” which announces to the world, “we are a couple and have made a commitment to each other”. They do not get married, which is another announcement to the world “we really mean it, we are a couple and we are totally committed to each other.” Often, there is no written agreement, there are no rules and guidelines laid down verbally, and lots of things are assumed.
Now before you get your knickers in a twist, I am not an advocate for engagements and weddings if you don’t see the need for them. That’s your choice. What I am an advocate of, is demonstrating your commitment to your partner. How the dickens does that happen without some formal recognition of your commitment to each other?
Commitment Demonstrated
Here’s a short list:
- You announce to the world “we are dating” and usually, not always but usually, you are monogamous in your relationship.
- You co-habit and continue monogamy
- You might rent a place together in joint names, or you may buy a place together – again in joint names
- One buys the groceries and one pays the rent
- One buys groceries, does the cleaning, picks up the drycleaning and the other pays the mortgage
- You both contribute to the income and expenses on an equal basis.
- You write your wills, naming your partner as the benificiary
- You have a child, or children
Sometimes, couples have discussed all these options, and in my experience and yes because of the work I do, those options are often not discussed fully, and things just happened that way.
Effective Parenting
I know so many parents who do not parent effectively or hold different standards or values to parent their children. It’s not discussed, it is argued, and then there is more family conflict.
If things just happened over time, there is an implicit understanding that a commitment is there between you, yet without some written agreements, or handshakes on roles, behaviours, expectations and understandings it will not take much to upset that commitment.
Of course, there are those couples who did get engaged, did get married, and did divorce. So it is not a guarantee that the commitment will last and I wonder, if you fall into this category like me, how much did you discuss the goals, the vision, the roles and responsibilities of your relationship before engagement and marriage?
What Cements Couple’s Commitment?
I guess what I am wondering is what cements the commitment? What makes commitment stick longer than a few days? What makes one person say “Yes I want to be with you”, and a few days later, say “I’ve changed my mind.”
I read just this week that more and more couples are not prepared to work on their relationship, instead they just opt out, because it is all too hard. So what happened to that love? Can it be rejuvenated?
So dear reader, I am not able to provide all the answers and I am very interested in hearing your comments. Do create a log-in and post them here.
Regards
Narelle
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3. Vision in Progress Box
I have long been an advocate for creating Vision boards or Abundance Maps and so on, and was delighted to find this Vision in Progress Box which you can carry with you, and your visions won’t move or fall apart.
Disclaimer: Please be aware that if you make a purchase from this site, I will receive an Affiliate commission. Also, your purchase is entirely of your own recognizance and of your own volition and I cannot be held liable in the event of any dissatisfaction or failure to meet specifications.
If you would like to create a graphic Vision of your future, then check this out here.
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4. Masters’ Wisdom
Look at it my way...
Master likes to give a different point of view and
suggests that you lie flat on your back,
then roll your top half over,
and notice how different everything looks now!
