Commitment Phobia

LIVE IT UP eNews!                                    March 2008

1. Commitment Phobia: I do.. I do not…
10 steps to overcome insecurity in relationships

2. Health Tip: Easy Lunches

Dear Reader

Okay, here is the March edition. I swear I’ll get these done on time one of these days! but hey, I did it with this one! Even if you did get January’s today as well, and you do get to live in suspense for production date, that’s exciting isn’t it?

Easter is looming fast, and I am going to Mackay to visit my Dad, who’s 88 years young. I love him dearly and as we never know when we are going to depart this place for other worlds, it will be nice to catch up.

I have a bit of a different view of death – I think of it like a doorway to another energetic dimension, so that person has never really left, if we want to talk to them on a mental level. Feels nice to do that, too.

May your Easter be a relaxing break, an adventure, a holiday, a catch-up time, in short, whatever you want it to be, is what you can decide upon.

Warm regards, Narelle

I do… I do not… want to commit

Commitment phobia occurs when someone decides they don’t want to take this relationship to the next step… And guess who decides what the next step is? Usually the commitment phobic party!

There are many kinds of commitment and therefore levels of commitment, but in general I am writing of the person who says, I don’t want to take this relationship any further than X. And X may be: dating irregularly, dating monogamously, engagement but not marriage and so on.

Is your fear preventing Commitment?

Underneath is often fear, fear of being swamped, losing independence, feeling stifled or cramped, unable to be spontaneous, fear of financial loss if it doesn’t work out, yet the commitment phobe doesn’t realise that what they fear will eventually be drawn to him or her, so that it becomes a test or a battle.

Can over-commitment cause problems?

Think of how opposites attract… Yep, you guessed it, the commitment phobic party is often attracted to the over-committed party… Now what happens? You’ll end up with two people who want different things, but who need to balance it out between them!  Are they in for some fun?  You bet!

To someone with my training it is obvious how we end up like this, but it is not so obvious to those who are in that situation.

  • Think of the absent father, whom you want to please and want him to stay home more often..
  • Think of the over-protective mother, who smother loved you..
  • Think of how it would feel to know that your mother contemplated an abortion, when you were in the womb…
  • What would it be like, if every partner you ever had, cheated on you?

The commitment phobic will say any of the following:

  • I like my freedom
  • I’m happy, leave me alone
  • I like my life it’s comfortable
  • I don’t have time for a full-time commitment and fail to recognise that there is a problem, and in fact deny that a problem exists!

The over-committed may express it this way:

  • I just want to spend more time with you
  • I just need to know that you really love me
  • Why can’t we live together?
  • Please don’t ever leave me…

The over-committed cannot understand that you like your space, and you cannot understand how the over-committed doesn’t seem to need space.

Now, what can you do about this?

Release your Commitment fears!

For that, you will both need to release past fears – fears of being swamped, or abandoned, and those fears are usually rooted in childhood, birth and even when you were in the womb, being carried by your mum.

Begin by affirming that you are completely safe and protected, and make an appointment to see me (or get the other party in your life, or someone you know to book in) so that they can also release old emotional baggage, and learn new ways of being and behaving!

Call for an appointment now and let go of this issue!

There is a lengthy article on Commitment Phobia (written by Narelle) going up on www.simplysolo.com website in the near future, so click through and check it out.

Master’s Wisdom!

Alt text for the image of Master the tabby cat

“Talk to me!  Light my fire, tell me I’m beautiful and handsome and gorgeous. You’ll make me purrrrrrrrrr”

 

2. Health Tip: Easy Lunches

Buy a whole cooked chicken, skin it, then break into small segments, just enough to layer one sandwich.  Freeze in sandwich bags and grab a bag to go!

Add chicken to wholewheat sandwich, avocado instead of butter, + sliced tomato and spinach leaves.

Add chicken to low-fat cup-a-soup

Chop celery, carrot, borccoli into small chunks and add to cup-a-soup

Prepare mix of brain foods: pecans, walnuts, almonds and stir through low-fat yoghurt, plus grapes, banana, cherries.

How quick, easy and delicious is that?