All or Nothing Thinking
All or nothing thinking is another one of the Cognitive Distortions or twisted thoughts from Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), that impact on how I feel. Maybe I am on a diet for example, and I decide to reward myself with a small bowl of ice-cream. (Don’t ask me why I would use icecream as a reward, that can be one of those automatic thoughts that I don’t even notice as it slips from my sub-conscious and on into my conscious mind!)
I have one spoonful and then say, “Oh, I’m not supposed to eat ice-cream, I’ve completely blown my diet, I’m an absolute utter failure” and I beat myself up, making myself feel guilty and feel a failure, and believe I’m hopeless.
This all or nothing thinking kicks home the guilt, the failure and my inability to be in control, so at this point, I would probably go on to eat that bowl of ice-cream and more, because “who cares, I’ve failed anyway, right?”
Life is not all or nothing, there are many shades of grey in between. Does one spoonful really mean that the whole diet is a washout? Of course not. When I harangue myself, perhaps I will imagine myself as a total failure, and whatever comes into my mind may cause me to feel even worse as I hear it, see it and feel it. I might then feel depressed or stressed as well.
Have you ever been for a job interview? I have too, and I got asked a question that I couldn’t answer. The panel actually tried to help me a bit and prompted me, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what they really wanted to hear. Talk about embarassing and a blow to my ego.
The rest of the interview went smoothly; I’d answered articulately, giving examples and demonstrating my capability. Do you think I focussed on that when the interview was over? Oh no, I focussed on how badly I performed and how I’d never get that job. What did this do to my confidence levels? Naturally, my confidence was reduced because I didn’t think positively and boost myself up.
(Um, no I didn’t get the job. Do you know what was funny about that position? The organisation never actually appointed anyone because I kept contacting them to find out when a decision would be made or had been made. Odd and says a lot about that particular institution.)
What can you do instead? Realise that there are shades of grey in this wonderful old world and understand that life is not all or nothing, and look for evidence on how you can support yourself by focussing on what was achieved. I could have focussed on the fact that I recognised temptation after one spoonful, and told myself, “Wow, you’re amazingly self-controlled!” What a difference that would have made. I could have thought, “oh, I need a reward for working so hard at this, I will buy myself a casket ticket when I go out”.
I could easily have said, “I’m so proud of my efforts; good job; well done; congratulations on how far I’ve come” and all of these thoughts could have triggered positive images and feelings that would have inspired me to do more.
Look for ways to help yourself with reassurance and self-support so that you feel better from the inside out.
